What day is it?

BRIEF:  A little more of a rapid decline the last couple of days.

Mom seems to be declining more rapidly.  But she is accepting it with grace.  She has been fighting the meds for so long, so that she could be mindful, but it was making things so much worse...the trying to get her breath and the overwhelming panic she would feel.  She was waiting to the point that she would take anything to make it stop.

Today, I convinced her that we are going to do the meds on a schedule that keeps her out of that major panic attack mode, and we will play with the dosages to give her the smallest amount that keeps her from going there.  With that in play, she has had really good deep sleep.  At one point I couldn't wake her (though I was being gentle about it).  Then about 10 minutes later she coughed herself awake.  The cough sounds really bad.  But, she has said the sleep has been really good, and peaceful.  She's having those dreams where what's in the dream is related to what's going on around her.  Bay News 9 has been a big influence.  I'm hearing the dream version of the news. :-)

Later this evening. I was sitting in the other room and she made this really scary sound almost like she was swallowing her tongue or something.  I ran in there and she was choking out a coughing fit, she said she was okay, but I had to stay for a bit to be convinced.

I'm so proud of her.  She's always been a fighter.  And she knows how to handle a great deal of pain. But she's having to let go of the fight response, and the independence, and pride.  And it's happening, in steps, but it is happening.  In a way it is softening her and reminding me of the way she was when Kim and I were kids.  Obviously, bittersweet, but I'll take it!  Not to say that she had grown hard, but fighting all her pain and then losing Daddy did a real number on her.  I'm just so thankful for having this time with my mom.